When stress is good for you, and when it isn't

Think back to the last time you did something that really mattered: a presentation, a driving test, a first day somewhere new. Chances are you felt nervous beforehand. Your heart was going, your mind was sharp, and afterwards you felt a buzz you couldn't quite explain.

That was stress. It was also, quite possibly, good for you.

Not all stress is the same

In the 1970s, endocrinologist Hans Selye, one of the first scientists to study stress, introduced the idea of eustress, or good stress. It's the kind that comes with a challenge you feel able to meet. It's short-lived, it focuses your attention and it often leaves you feeling more capable than before.

The other kind, distress, is what we usually mean when we talk about stress. It's the kind that feels like too much, goes on too long or comes with no sense of control.

The difference isn't always in what's happening. Two people can face the same deadline and have completely different experiences, depending on whether they see it as a challenge or a threat.

How you see stress changes what it does

Stanford psychologist Alia Crum has run several studies on what she calls "stress mindset". In one, employees watched short videos that described stress either as harmful or as something that could boost performance and growth. Those who saw the second set reported fewer health complaints and better performance at work in the weeks that followed.

That doesn't mean you can think your way out of every hard situation. It does mean that seeing stress as your body getting ready to meet a challenge, rather than as a sign that something is wrong, can change how it affects you.

Martin Seligman, the founder of positive psychology, spent years studying something related: explanatory style. People who tend to see setbacks as temporary, specific and not entirely their fault cope better than people who see them as permanent, all-encompassing and personal. The good news from his work is that this style can be learned.

Where good stress lives

Seligman also wrote about engagement, the state of being fully absorbed in something that stretches you. The most engaging tasks usually carry a bit of stress. They're hard enough that you have to concentrate, but not so hard that you give up. Take the challenge away completely and many people get bored, which brings its own problems.

So the aim isn't a stress-free life. It's having the right amount, of the right kind, with enough recovery in between.

When it tips over

Good stress can turn into the harmful kind when:

• it doesn't stop, and there's no recovery time between demands
• you feel you have no control over what's happening
• your sleep is affected for more than a few nights
• you're relying on alcohol, food or scrolling to get through
• you've stopped enjoying things you normally like
• physical signs build up: headaches, stomach problems, a tight jaw, frequent colds

If several of these are true for you, it's time to change something, not just push through.

Making stress work for you

Next time you feel stress rising before something important, try reframing it in plain words: "My body is getting me ready for this." Then ask two questions. What part of this can I control? And when will I get a chance to recover afterwards? Plan that recovery as carefully as you plan the task itself.

Where to get support If stress is affecting your sleep, health or relationships, talk to your GP. You can also refer yourself for NHS talking therapies in England. If you're struggling to cope, call Samaritans free on 116 123, any time.