A monthly check on what drains you and what restores you
A reflective worksheet for spotting energy drains and energy gains.
Most of us can say, roughly, where our money goes each month. Far fewer of us could say where our energy goes. Yet energy runs out just as surely, and it tends to leak away in places we don't notice until we're exhausted.
This short check takes about fifteen minutes once a month. It's best done somewhere quiet, with a pen and paper.
Why bother writing it down
Knowing something and acting on it are different things. Yale psychologist Laurie Santos calls the belief that knowing is enough the "G.I. Joe fallacy", after the old cartoon slogan "knowing is half the battle". When it comes to wellbeing, knowing is a much smaller part of the battle than we'd like. Writing things down, and doing it regularly, is what turns a vague sense of "I'm tired" into something you can change.
Part one: look back
Think about the past month. Don't overthink it; first answers are usually the most honest.
What drained you? List up to five things. They might be people, tasks, places, habits or particular times of day. Be specific: "Tuesday team meeting" is more useful than "work".
What restored you? List up to five things that left you feeling better, calmer or more like yourself. Again, be specific: "walking home through the park" rather than "exercise".
What surprised you? Was anything more draining or more restoring than you expected?
Part two: three good things
Positive psychologist Martin Seligman tested an exercise called Three Good Things. People wrote down three things that went well each day and why they happened. In his 2005 study, those who kept it up for a week reported feeling happier and less low, and the benefit lasted for months.
A monthly version works too. Write down three things that went well this month, and for each one, why you think it happened. The "why" matters. It helps you see what you did to make good things happen, and it makes them easier to repeat.
- ...because...
- ...because...
- ...because...
Part three: look ahead
Now use what you've written.
One drain to reduce. Choose one item from your drains list that you have some control over. What's one small change you could make? You may not be able to skip the Tuesday meeting, but could you take five minutes outside afterwards?
One restorer to protect. Choose one item from your restorers list and decide when it will happen next month. Put it in your diary.
One thing to stop. Is there something you're doing out of habit or obligation that you could drop altogether?
Spotting patterns over time
Keep your sheets together. After three or four months, read them back. Patterns tend to jump out. The same person turns up in the drains list every time. You keep writing "being outside" in the restorers list but never doing it. A particular week of the month is always hard.
Those patterns are where the real changes come from. They're also useful when you're having a conversation with a manager, partner or doctor about how you've been feeling, because you'll have something concrete to point to.
Your first check
Set a reminder for the last Sunday of the month. Use the three parts above, keep it to fifteen minutes, and be honest. It doesn't need to be neat. It just needs to be yours.
Where to get support If your drains list keeps growing, or you notice you've had little or no energy or pleasure in things for more than two weeks, talk to your GP or contact NHS 111. Feeling persistently low is common and treatable.