How to actually rest at the weekend

Friday night, you're done in. Saturday disappears into the supermarket, washing and a vague sense of guilt about the things you haven't done. Sunday afternoon, the Monday feeling creeps in. Then it's over, and you head back to work wondering where it went.

A lot of us don't rest at the weekend so much as catch up. Here's how to get more from those two days.

Treat it a little like a holiday

In 2021, researchers Colin West, Cassie Mogilner Holmes and Sanford DeVoe ran a simple experiment. They asked one group of people to treat an ordinary weekend as if it were a holiday, and another group to treat it like any other weekend. Both groups did much the same sorts of activities. The "holiday" group came back on Monday happier, less stressed and more satisfied.

What made the difference was mostly attention. People in holiday mode were more present. They spent less time on chores and phones, and more time noticing what they were doing. You don't need to go anywhere for this to work. You just need to stop treating Saturday as a second shift.

Do the chores in a box

Housework won't vanish, but it can be contained. Pick a fixed slot, say Saturday from nine until eleven, and do the bulk of the jobs then. When the slot ends, stop. Anything unfinished waits until next week or gets fitted into a weekday evening.

It sounds rigid, but it takes away the background hum of "I should be doing something", which is what ruins a lot of weekend rest.

Leave some time unplanned

Yale psychologist Laurie Santos often talks about "time affluence", the feeling of having enough time, which research has linked to greater happiness. Weekends packed with plans, however enjoyable, can leave you feeling time-poor. Aim for at least one stretch of a few hours with nothing booked. Use it however you like, or don't use it at all.

Mix the three ingredients

The most restful weekends tend to include some of each:

• Rest, such as a lie-in that's not too long, a nap, a slow morning or a book.
• Connection with people who leave you feeling better, not more drained.
• Play, meaning something you do purely because you enjoy it: sport, gardening, a game or a hobby.

People often get plenty of one and none of the others. A weekend of all rest can feel flat. A weekend of all socialising can leave introverts exhausted. Balance them to suit you.

End it well

Nobel prize-winning psychologist Daniel Kahneman showed that we judge an experience mostly by its most intense moment and by how it ends. He called this the peak-end rule. A weekend that finishes with a frantic Sunday evening of laundry and email will be remembered as stressful, however good Saturday was.

So give Sunday evening a soft landing. Prepare for Monday earlier in the afternoon if you need to, then do something gentle and pleasant to close the weekend. A good meal, a walk, a film with someone you love. The Danish idea of hygge, all candles, warm drinks and comfort, suits Sunday evenings perfectly.

A plan for this weekend

Before Friday, decide three things: when your chores slot is, which stretch of time will stay empty, and how you'll spend Sunday evening. Then, on Saturday morning, tell yourself you're on holiday for two days and see what changes.