Fight, flight, freeze or fawn? How your body reacts to stress
A clear explanation of how the nervous system reacts to threat and why it matters day to day.
Your manager sends a message: "Can we have a quick chat?" Within seconds your heart is thumping, your stomach has dropped and you're mentally rehearsing every mistake you've made since March.
Nothing has actually happened yet. Your body is responding as if it has.
An old alarm system
Deep in the brain is an alarm system that evolved to keep us alive. When it senses a threat, it doesn't wait for a careful assessment. It triggers a flood of adrenaline and cortisol that gets the body ready to act. Your heart speeds up, breathing quickens, muscles tense and digestion slows, because none of that matters if you're about to be eaten.
The trouble is that the same system fires for a tricky email as for a charging animal. It can't tell the difference between physical danger and social or professional threat.
Psychologist Daniel Kahneman described two modes of thinking: a fast, automatic, intuitive mode and a slower, deliberate one. Under threat, the fast mode takes over. That's useful in an emergency and less useful in a performance review.
The four responses
Fight is moving towards the threat. At work it might look like snapping at a colleague, getting defensive in a meeting or firing off a sharp reply.
Flight is getting away. That could mean leaving the room, but it often shows up as avoidance: not opening the email, putting off the conversation, keeping busy so you don't have to think.
Freeze is shutting down. Your mind goes blank, you can't find words, you feel stuck or numb. Many people are surprised to learn this is a stress response rather than a personal failing.
Fawn was named by psychotherapist Pete Walker. It's trying to stay safe by pleasing: agreeing to everything, apologising for things that aren't your fault, putting other people's needs first so they won't be displeased with you.
Most of us have a go-to response, and it often makes sense when you think about how you grew up or what's been rewarded in your working life. None of them is wrong. They're your body doing its best to protect you.
Switching the alarm off
The stress response has a counterpart: the system that calms the body and returns it to "rest and digest". One of its main routes is the vagus nerve, which runs from the brainstem to the heart, lungs and gut.
Berkeley psychologist Dacher Keltner has studied the vagus nerve's role in compassion and connection. His work suggests that feeling cared for, and caring for others, is closely tied to the body's ability to settle. Friendly faces, kind words and a calm voice all tell your nervous system that you're safe.
You can also send that signal yourself. Breathing out slowly, with the out-breath longer than the in-breath, is one of the simplest ways to do it.
What to do in the moment
- Notice and name it. "I'm in fight mode" or "This is freeze." Naming it brings the slower, thinking part of the brain back online.
- Breathe out slowly. In for a count of four, out for a count of six. Repeat five times.
- Feel your feet on the floor. Simple physical contact helps your body register that you're here and safe right now.
- Buy yourself time. "Let me come back to you on that" is a perfectly professional sentence.
Next time your heart starts racing, try just the first two steps. You won't stop the alarm from going off, but you'll get much better at turning it down.
Where to get support If you often feel on high alert, have panic attacks, or find stress reactions are affecting your daily life, speak to your GP. You can also refer yourself for NHS talking therapies in England. If you're in crisis, call Samaritans free on 116 123 or text SHOUT to 85258.